awkwardness for charity

I'm not sure how many entries I'm allowed to make about The Today Show, and my near-obsession with its astonishing capacity for All Things Awkward.

Today, Today really pulled through.
It was truly awkward enough to journal about before I put shoes on in a minute and run to work.

The time is now 8:19... and not five minutes ago, Ann Curry of The Today Show was flying face-first toward a river full of nuclear waste in the name of charity. (Apparently, needy children worldwide could really benefit from Ann flying to Middlebrough, England and doing a 170' bungee jump from a bridge in a sky blue fleece jacket).

For those of you who didn't witness this Christmas miracle, I will make a feeble attempt to recount how magical it was.

The scene went like this:

Meredith and Matt sitting on the couch, coffee in tow, with Special Close-Up Guest Tom Hanks.
Ann said a warm, fearless hello (live! Except taped, because we're in Colorado!) to her comfy, coffee-drinking, stilletto-wearing co-workers. Beaming into the camera, she also sent out a special "Hellooooo!" to Tom.

Meredith claimed that Tom had flown out just to see Ann jump off a bridge, tee hee tee hee tee hee!

Tom, without batting an eye, made a face like he had just eaten a bacon-wrapped-tarantula and offered Ann $5 if she would make an interesting full-body crash into the river.

Ann laughed nervously.

A few commercial breaks later (and all the televised hype that money can buy), she was swan diving off a bridge on live (taped) television-- which sounded like this, for those of you who weren't there:
eeeeEEEEAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHH
OH MY GOOD LORD
(still falling and thrashing through the air, bound only by her ankles and pony tail holder): wheeeeee, oh goodness, I wish you could feel this-- oh, how interesting, my life flashed before my eyes tee hee hee hee but it's really so interesting and nice and I wasn't scared at all and I really think you should try this. (here- I swear-- she sighed calmly, in ecstasy). It's lovely. I highly recommend this particular experience.

(I've taken the liberty of making an artist's recreation of Ann Curry, Journalist: Collected and Starry-Eyed as Ever, Just Upside Down Over A River Full of Nuclear Waste)













Matt and Meredith: tee hee hee tee hee oh Ann tee hee hee tee hee

Tom: (mouth hanging open slightly-- searching the monitor for any sense of logic or nuclear waste)

commercial break.

Then Meredith interviewed Tom about movies and his life (tee hee) as the studio rolled slow-mo clips of Curry's face-first leap over (and over. and over.) under Hanks' dialogue.
(*I'm not sure if the studio remembered that a bungee leap takes about 14 seconds. Granted, the combination of slow-motion and 1400 alternate angles was a noble attempt at "keeping it fresh," but America just wants to see HomeGirl looking close-up perfect upside down the first time."

Meredith: "well, Tom, thank you for being here. We're going to take a brief commercial break."
Tom: (obviously ignoring a producer's plea to smile and nod without comment) "Just remember. It's brave to bungee jump off a bridge in front of the world. But it's really brave to show your butt-ocks to the world."
Meredith's face contorted with confusion. She kicked up one stillettoed heel playfully and made an expression like a narwhal who was about to start "tusking" (please see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narwhal) .
Cut to Macy's gift card commercial.


Other things that are deliciously awkward:
my co-worker's pug puppy, Pearl, who hangs out with us at work and sleeps upside down like a bat.











She's so little that she can fit inside my red clogs if I put her in upside down (like a bat. as she prefers to be).
And she's back-heavy enough that she ran in reverse for the first three days she was here.