nightmares and rubix cubes
for no reason, I had one of the gnarliest, worst nightmares last night.
It felt like I'd been asleep all night by the time 1:36 rolled around, at which point I looked at the clock, forced myself back to sleep, and immediately dreamed that I was walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood, standing on raised patches of dirt in strangers' back yards trying to find enough cell coverage to call home, and ended up being kidnapped by two Clockwork-Orange-esque thugs with oversized basketball jerseys, ominiously black and red backwards baseball caps, and a small arsenal of construction site tools. We were in an abandoned (but too-well-lit) building and they forced me into a corner while they picked up a faceless body and proceeded to kill the person in front of me. I was scratching at the floor and wall trying to get away, desperate to get out but convinced that there was no chance at escaping. As soon as their backs were turned I started scuttling away, crab or spider style, facing them but walking on the palms of my hands.
They turned and smiled. I started to make some primal, fear-soaked whimper, and the bigger of the two thugs-- in a white jersey, oversized Nikes with no laces, and colorless, greasy hair-- picked up some kind of mechanical, bright yellow tool that was like a corkscrew but with a huge spike in it instead of a spiral screw. He shrugged and the other thug told me that I was just making it harder for myself.
Still scrabbling away on the slick tile with my palms starting to slide out from under me, I summoned as much energy as I could to keep moving, and the thugs began effortlessly throwing the spiked corkscrews in my direction. The first one went straight through the top of my foot, clanging hard as it hit the floor, and as I screamed and my elbows buckled underneath me, I had a sudden anxiety-stricken emotion of feeling like a Christ impersonator as I waited to die, pinned to the floor.
I woke up unable to get a single deep breath in, and I couldn't make out any objects clearly in my dark room. I tried curling up but my legs were still wobbly and adrenaline-filled from the dream. As I tried to get my bearings and breathe in the darkness, Tom rolled over in his sleep, tucked his right arm across my body and mumbled softly but clearly-- "hi. I love you." before dozing back to sleep.
Probably one of the top 10 best moments I've had in 27 years on this planet.
Hours later, stuck at a desk with a computer full of puzzle-linked assignments that feel like a giant Rubix Cube that I haven't figured out yet... I can look out my window lost in thought, waiting for the skies to open up with fat, slushy snowflakes, feeling bolstered and wordlessly grateful for the small and incredibly valuable moments that the last 10 months have offered.
And sometimes, that's all a girl needs to get her head back into the Cube.
It felt like I'd been asleep all night by the time 1:36 rolled around, at which point I looked at the clock, forced myself back to sleep, and immediately dreamed that I was walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood, standing on raised patches of dirt in strangers' back yards trying to find enough cell coverage to call home, and ended up being kidnapped by two Clockwork-Orange-esque thugs with oversized basketball jerseys, ominiously black and red backwards baseball caps, and a small arsenal of construction site tools. We were in an abandoned (but too-well-lit) building and they forced me into a corner while they picked up a faceless body and proceeded to kill the person in front of me. I was scratching at the floor and wall trying to get away, desperate to get out but convinced that there was no chance at escaping. As soon as their backs were turned I started scuttling away, crab or spider style, facing them but walking on the palms of my hands.
They turned and smiled. I started to make some primal, fear-soaked whimper, and the bigger of the two thugs-- in a white jersey, oversized Nikes with no laces, and colorless, greasy hair-- picked up some kind of mechanical, bright yellow tool that was like a corkscrew but with a huge spike in it instead of a spiral screw. He shrugged and the other thug told me that I was just making it harder for myself.
Still scrabbling away on the slick tile with my palms starting to slide out from under me, I summoned as much energy as I could to keep moving, and the thugs began effortlessly throwing the spiked corkscrews in my direction. The first one went straight through the top of my foot, clanging hard as it hit the floor, and as I screamed and my elbows buckled underneath me, I had a sudden anxiety-stricken emotion of feeling like a Christ impersonator as I waited to die, pinned to the floor.
I woke up unable to get a single deep breath in, and I couldn't make out any objects clearly in my dark room. I tried curling up but my legs were still wobbly and adrenaline-filled from the dream. As I tried to get my bearings and breathe in the darkness, Tom rolled over in his sleep, tucked his right arm across my body and mumbled softly but clearly-- "hi. I love you." before dozing back to sleep.
Probably one of the top 10 best moments I've had in 27 years on this planet.
Hours later, stuck at a desk with a computer full of puzzle-linked assignments that feel like a giant Rubix Cube that I haven't figured out yet... I can look out my window lost in thought, waiting for the skies to open up with fat, slushy snowflakes, feeling bolstered and wordlessly grateful for the small and incredibly valuable moments that the last 10 months have offered.
And sometimes, that's all a girl needs to get her head back into the Cube.
posted by JustJane at
10:14 AM
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