facebook updates make me cringe

I really resent the ADD-immediacy of facebook updates / twitter / blah blah blah.

Honestly, I feel like this current internet-update mindset really mocks me at times.

I've been lying in bed since 10:15, and with the insomnia and chaotic thinking comes a series of unwanted 3rd person-ings.

Jane Simmons can't ******* sleep
Jane Simmons: disappointed
Jane Simmons seems to be regretting her choice of college. and career.


I took a badly needed 'personal day' on a whim and it only made the gnawing anxiety worse.
Weirdly enough, it jolted me out of the weekly slog just long enough to realize: I made lists about what I wanted to do this summer. They were incredibly easy and manageable, and at this point, halfway through July, they have not and still may not happen. Walk to Dairy Queen on a hot night; go for a hike ; go camping once ; make a s'more ; TAKE A SUMMER VACATION SO YOU DON'T GO NUTS; paddle around in the canoe ; go to the pool ; have a glass of wine on the patio at the med; BBQ a lot.

1 for 9.

The only thing that will get my tired ass out of bed at 6:30 is going to be a deeply ingrained sense of responsibility mixed with a dash of guilt and a pinch of 'oh fuck it, grit your teeth and it will be over by 6'. This is exactly the kind of grumpy, boring, old lady behavior that makes my skin crawl, but this week, this is a huge part of how I feel.

This is not me. This is not who I want to be. Where's Jane Simmons?

She's been replaced by her own name with a demonic cursor blinking next to it...

Jane Simmons is an anxious mess.