bathe often!

one of my co-workers sent me this when i'd only worked for the company for two or three days with a note that said "jane: this made me think of you." little did they know that they had sent me two of my favorite things-- weird old fasnioned shit that makes you giggle, and an homage to the powers of bathing. i don't understand why, but the shower continues to be the most important place in my life for figuring. everything. out. wrote 90% of my thesis in my head while showering, decided on a career path while showering, made major relationship decisions while showering, pulled my life together (and apart) while showering. why?? why the shower?!? is it the relaxing hot water and flowery scents? is it the only routine in my life that's longer than 30 seconds, enabling my mind to go elsewhere? does dry hair mess with the neuron activity in my bean? i don't get it. but the shower is my happy place.

let's not lie-- sometimes things get hard. sometimes things get *really* hard, even for those people who kind of bump around wearing sensible outfits every day and eating healthy food calmly like nothing's ever hard for them. it's no secret that i live for the five-star anecdote days. so when i find myself pining for a life without extreme highs and lows, thinking a string of thoughts that resembles: "wish i could trade it today for a more normal life. wish i could trade it today. wish i could-- ooh, is that red pepper hummus in my fridge? put baby carrots on the grocery list.-- wish i could trade it today," i know things are dreary, and i get in the shower immediately until i can slap some sense into myself.

today i had a lot to figure out, so i fired up the shower, stood there staring at my new hideous bottle of herbal essences until my heating bill started weeping, towel-dried my hair like a zombie, and took myself to a movie to get the unfinished business out from between my ears. (seriously- if homegirl is driving through the snow with wet hair to sit through "dreamgirls" by herself, something is most definitely up.) i usually figure things out from behind my green leaf shower curtain with yellow duck hooks, but today, i just came up with a lot of bulleted points. it went something like this.
in the last year, i have lost:
*two beloved family members
*my darlin' dog
*the house i grew up in
*20 lbs (holy crap)
*the fear that i could never really lose weight (ok,still working on that one)
*two pairs of fingerless gloves
*more socks than i probably owned
*my old miata
*about 7" of hair
*two friends who meant a lot to me
*strike that, more than two (where the eff is Steve? Wicked pissah, is he ok?)
*two very strange relationships (lost 215 lbs in a weekend-that's impressive)
*one debit card (technically, it was stolen by a mean homeless guy at safeway)
*many important phone numbers (d'oh)
*my mind and my marbles once or twice (got it back, still screwed on loosely)
*many of my life-long shy habits

in the last year, i have gained:
*a great position at my job
*a lot of kickass new friends (and more. and how.)
*more excellent travel memories
*some seriously eye-opening new perspectives on life
*great video/television producing experience
*new dreams for my career
*the ability to be assertive and say no at work / to jerkfaces/ etc.
*the ability to be vulnerable and tell people what i'm actually thinking
*waaaaay more courage. even my archnemesis courage-under-fire
*the inspiration to be more forgiving
*a deeper appreciation of whiskey (not in a closet-alcholic kind of way)
*earlier bedtime, more old lady sayings
*a running routine (an even bigger archnemesis!)
*way too much junk mail
*the firm resolve to never, ever ignore red flags again in relation to men/matters of the heart. (they never lie. when the red flag says "does not have your best interests in mind," or "crazy as a rabid bat" or "warning, this is not safe," or best yet "crazy as a rabid bat AND dangerous"-- it's freaking time to GO, kiddo)
*actually, the firm resolve to stop justifying red flags in any situation. i'm sensitive and have an overactive imagination, but i use those powers for evil when i'm idle... *not* when i'm listening to my intuition. for the love of all that is holy... we need to listen to our intuition more, people.

so those are my bulleted thoughts. my neighbors will knock their broom on the ceiling if i get back in ths shower, so i thought i'd just write them down.

2 happy 0 new 0 year 7 (!)

it's the new year. we rang it in-- it happened. i was there. tom was there too. our good friends Blizzard Remnants and Jack Daniels chipped in to make the evening entertaining. slim cessna's auto club & munly and the lee lewis harlots were so good that i think i need to swear a little. they were fucking great.

thaddeus saw a screening of aliens in los angeles and saw newt all grown up. this was extremely exciting news for me, because newt's my homegirl. (affirmative, ripley)

dale and i did the denver-midnight-phone-call on NYE and then the las-vegas-midnight-phone-call (stupid time zones) to dork out the entrance to 2007. i'm tired of missing people, so i'm happy he will be back tomorrow. it's like keeping puppies in a pyrex bowl, i've decided. the second you put one in, one falls out.

family distress rings in the new year. '07 may prove to be a bear. but '06 proved to be a bitch-- i'd rather take on fur than faux.
sideways smiley face.
sending posma into the universe.
hoping with my whole heart that things might work out to be as Real and Beautiful and Comforting and Significant as i hope they will be this year.

much love to my many new year's dates in many time zones and zoning laws. xxx.