pixel not in error, but in context
a little bit random, but peter and i had a very, very tremendous conversation
tonight. i'm going to betray our private chatting moment because i want to preserve this... betrayal is ok for documentation purposes, right?
There are very few people in life who can make us feel truly understood, deeply truthful with, and always loved. Double-talk, defensiveness, pride... let's face it, these are easy (if not inevitable) to slip into any deep, hard-hitting, self-effacing conversations. but friends like peter, and like my double-hitting duo thad and tom, make me want to be accountable, insightful, and at the end of the day, me. it's late, and i went on a really really good run tonight so i feel energized (which could easily lead to late-night mooshy sentiments)... but damn, i just feel so grateful for the kindred spirits in my life. it's so achingly hard to be challenged by people, and equally scary to challenge them-- but when you're with your soul friends, it feels like nothing more than an opportunity to question yourself and grow. it just feels honest and safe. so even when we go to them with tears in our eyes saying, "i'm doing something sketchy... i have a jerk in my life who i don't want to eternally lose ... i drank the last of the coffee today and didn't make a new pot" , they don't ever say "i told you so." they just ask, "why?" and actually listen to your answer.
a chat with sweet pete.
janek15: i know this sounds very apologetic. it's not really good im fodder, you know? i'm struggling for good communication
RemyLeBeau83: a wise woman once said to me that in this life the hardest thing we have to do is say goodbye to people
RemyLeBeau83: as compassionate people, we struggle with the need and want to make amends with those who are not good for us, for the sake of protecting ourselves the heartache of the impossible human behavior
RemyLeBeau83: you're trying to protect yourself from heartache - and that never needs apologizing :-)
RemyLeBeau83: if you feel you aren't in danger, then you should keep trying to sort it out
janek15: you think so?
janek15: haha, surprise ending
janek15: peter, i know i sound highly suspicious when i say this...
janek15: i even don't know if i trust me to say this...
janek15: but i feel ok right now. i feel the warning signs, i know myself well, i know that this could easily snowball into more heart pain
janek15: however
janek15: i am going to try very hard to be a real adult here
janek15: keep in touch because that's just how i work... for now... listen to another's life's tribulations and get to share mine
janek15: there are healthy elements, and i'm keeping a tight grip on the unhealthy ones.
janek15: you know me well. i hate goodbye. goodbye is too much for me.
RemyLeBeau83: just don't become lost in the struggle of hope - for once you you start giving the benefit of hope, things can get hard
janek15: and not now-- my heart can't take one more empty chair.
janek15: i know. you're right- you're right. i know
janek15: i'm also addicted to being a badass
janek15: :-)
janek15: i've never spoken truth this well, peter
janek15: it was like a movie moment.
janek15: it felt amazing-- and it somehow has carried over. i feel confident and truthful and strong, and i don't take crap
RemyLeBeau83: you are jane k simmons
RemyLeBeau83: hear you roar!!
janek15: how are you, sweets?
RemyLeBeau83: sleepy
RemyLeBeau83: but good
janek15: do you know how much i pine for you?
RemyLeBeau83: and oddly empowered myself
janek15: yeah, it's late there
RemyLeBeau83: i quote and refer to you often in my day to day life :-)
janek15: awww sweets
janek15: this is what makes me really nervous
janek15: is that if i say something, i *mean* it
janek15: i tell my friends the absolute ugliest. you know? because i know you'll help keep me accountable. which is scary. :-)
janek15: i don't want to keep you up, luv. you should go to bed
RemyLeBeau83: can i paint you a picture of our friendship real quick?
janek15: yes. i'd love it.
janek15: use fingerpaints-- i'm not afraid of messy expression
RemyLeBeau83: a fingerpaint pointalism painting
RemyLeBeau83: a good analogy, as well
RemyLeBeau83: the friendship of jane k simmons started a number of years ago, in a brief meeting in an apartment on argyle st in rochester, ny
RemyLeBeau83: the friendship of jane k simmons and peter freeman, i should say
RemyLeBeau83: and since that point, jane has provided an innumerable amount of solid life advice to the wandering soul of peter
RemyLeBeau83: who, has in turn, done his best to provide the same quality of insight
RemyLeBeau83: and he has learned this
RemyLeBeau83: from a distance, life is a complete picture - we see all the hues and shadows and can make out the differences in objects along the way
RemyLeBeau83: up close, however, life is nothing more than a conglomerate of pixilated dots, hoping to cohese together into one overall, and literal, big picture
RemyLeBeau83: it is through friendships, where brutal honesty and ugly confessions of our trueselves run rampant, that these pixilated individual events come together and allow for the viewing of the big picture
RemyLeBeau83: in the end, it can be concluded that, while every once in awhile one of those pixels is put in by mistake or with the wrong color, when a life is looked back upon and seen in hole, that "error" is nothing more than a part of the whole, ultimately lost in the shuffle of a cohesive life
RemyLeBeau83: we're the painters of our own lives - our friends are the critics - together we paint something that can be hung in the louvre
RemyLeBeau83: the end
janek15: that was seriously amazing
janek15: i'm taping that one to the damn fridge
janek15: peter-- thank you.
janek15: this is as sappy as i get, but i'm not religious... and i frequently want to thank a diety for putting you in my life
janek15: dietie... diety. why the hell does the y look so freaking lame at the end? haha
RemyLeBeau83: haha
RemyLeBeau83: HA
RemyLeBeau83: i love and adore you janey k - dont' you ever forget that :-)
RemyLeBeau83: there are no mistakes
janek15: there aren't
janek15: especially
janek15: when you have hellishly compassionate friends
janek15: oh right, you're home
janek15: are you so happy to be there?
RemyLeBeau83: beyond explainably so
janek15: i hope you're surrounded by the hug of your family and friends
janek15: i'm so glad you're there
janek15: i LOVE that you're there
janek15: i hope we can have our annual thanksgiving morning chat :-)
RemyLeBeau83: i wouldn't have it any other way
i digress. an incredible friend. a stand-up chap. this year, i'm thankful for friends. i'm thankful for insight. and i'm thankful for sensitivity and compassion-- by far the trickiest and most interesting flaws any of us could ever ask for.
tonight. i'm going to betray our private chatting moment because i want to preserve this... betrayal is ok for documentation purposes, right?
There are very few people in life who can make us feel truly understood, deeply truthful with, and always loved. Double-talk, defensiveness, pride... let's face it, these are easy (if not inevitable) to slip into any deep, hard-hitting, self-effacing conversations. but friends like peter, and like my double-hitting duo thad and tom, make me want to be accountable, insightful, and at the end of the day, me. it's late, and i went on a really really good run tonight so i feel energized (which could easily lead to late-night mooshy sentiments)... but damn, i just feel so grateful for the kindred spirits in my life. it's so achingly hard to be challenged by people, and equally scary to challenge them-- but when you're with your soul friends, it feels like nothing more than an opportunity to question yourself and grow. it just feels honest and safe. so even when we go to them with tears in our eyes saying, "i'm doing something sketchy... i have a jerk in my life who i don't want to eternally lose ... i drank the last of the coffee today and didn't make a new pot" , they don't ever say "i told you so." they just ask, "why?" and actually listen to your answer.
a chat with sweet pete.
janek15: i know this sounds very apologetic. it's not really good im fodder, you know? i'm struggling for good communication
RemyLeBeau83: a wise woman once said to me that in this life the hardest thing we have to do is say goodbye to people
RemyLeBeau83: as compassionate people, we struggle with the need and want to make amends with those who are not good for us, for the sake of protecting ourselves the heartache of the impossible human behavior
RemyLeBeau83: you're trying to protect yourself from heartache - and that never needs apologizing :-)
RemyLeBeau83: if you feel you aren't in danger, then you should keep trying to sort it out
janek15: you think so?
janek15: haha, surprise ending
janek15: peter, i know i sound highly suspicious when i say this...
janek15: i even don't know if i trust me to say this...
janek15: but i feel ok right now. i feel the warning signs, i know myself well, i know that this could easily snowball into more heart pain
janek15: however
janek15: i am going to try very hard to be a real adult here
janek15: keep in touch because that's just how i work... for now... listen to another's life's tribulations and get to share mine
janek15: there are healthy elements, and i'm keeping a tight grip on the unhealthy ones.
janek15: you know me well. i hate goodbye. goodbye is too much for me.
RemyLeBeau83: just don't become lost in the struggle of hope - for once you you start giving the benefit of hope, things can get hard
janek15: and not now-- my heart can't take one more empty chair.
janek15: i know. you're right- you're right. i know
janek15: i'm also addicted to being a badass
janek15: :-)
janek15: i've never spoken truth this well, peter
janek15: it was like a movie moment.
janek15: it felt amazing-- and it somehow has carried over. i feel confident and truthful and strong, and i don't take crap
RemyLeBeau83: you are jane k simmons
RemyLeBeau83: hear you roar!!
janek15: how are you, sweets?
RemyLeBeau83: sleepy
RemyLeBeau83: but good
janek15: do you know how much i pine for you?
RemyLeBeau83: and oddly empowered myself
janek15: yeah, it's late there
RemyLeBeau83: i quote and refer to you often in my day to day life :-)
janek15: awww sweets
janek15: this is what makes me really nervous
janek15: is that if i say something, i *mean* it
janek15: i tell my friends the absolute ugliest. you know? because i know you'll help keep me accountable. which is scary. :-)
janek15: i don't want to keep you up, luv. you should go to bed
RemyLeBeau83: can i paint you a picture of our friendship real quick?
janek15: yes. i'd love it.
janek15: use fingerpaints-- i'm not afraid of messy expression
RemyLeBeau83: a fingerpaint pointalism painting
RemyLeBeau83: a good analogy, as well
RemyLeBeau83: the friendship of jane k simmons started a number of years ago, in a brief meeting in an apartment on argyle st in rochester, ny
RemyLeBeau83: the friendship of jane k simmons and peter freeman, i should say
RemyLeBeau83: and since that point, jane has provided an innumerable amount of solid life advice to the wandering soul of peter
RemyLeBeau83: who, has in turn, done his best to provide the same quality of insight
RemyLeBeau83: and he has learned this
RemyLeBeau83: from a distance, life is a complete picture - we see all the hues and shadows and can make out the differences in objects along the way
RemyLeBeau83: up close, however, life is nothing more than a conglomerate of pixilated dots, hoping to cohese together into one overall, and literal, big picture
RemyLeBeau83: it is through friendships, where brutal honesty and ugly confessions of our trueselves run rampant, that these pixilated individual events come together and allow for the viewing of the big picture
RemyLeBeau83: in the end, it can be concluded that, while every once in awhile one of those pixels is put in by mistake or with the wrong color, when a life is looked back upon and seen in hole, that "error" is nothing more than a part of the whole, ultimately lost in the shuffle of a cohesive life
RemyLeBeau83: we're the painters of our own lives - our friends are the critics - together we paint something that can be hung in the louvre
RemyLeBeau83: the end
janek15: that was seriously amazing
janek15: i'm taping that one to the damn fridge
janek15: peter-- thank you.
janek15: this is as sappy as i get, but i'm not religious... and i frequently want to thank a diety for putting you in my life
janek15: dietie... diety. why the hell does the y look so freaking lame at the end? haha
RemyLeBeau83: haha
RemyLeBeau83: HA
RemyLeBeau83: i love and adore you janey k - dont' you ever forget that :-)
RemyLeBeau83: there are no mistakes
janek15: there aren't
janek15: especially
janek15: when you have hellishly compassionate friends
janek15: oh right, you're home
janek15: are you so happy to be there?
RemyLeBeau83: beyond explainably so
janek15: i hope you're surrounded by the hug of your family and friends
janek15: i'm so glad you're there
janek15: i LOVE that you're there
janek15: i hope we can have our annual thanksgiving morning chat :-)
RemyLeBeau83: i wouldn't have it any other way
i digress. an incredible friend. a stand-up chap. this year, i'm thankful for friends. i'm thankful for insight. and i'm thankful for sensitivity and compassion-- by far the trickiest and most interesting flaws any of us could ever ask for.
posted by JustJane at
11:44 PM
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