five years later

last spring, my dad and i got into a very heated argument about whether or not the movie united 93 was horse sh*t (my stance), or perhaps an important film for its time. i agreed to see it with him, sulked a little bit while the opening credits rolled, and sat for an hour and a half with my mouth hanging open. the film, i realized, was not only incredibly made, but incredibly important.
apparently i have a memory loss issue, because the first thing that went through my mind when the alarm went off this morning was how much media frenzy i'd see today. i watched a very tactful hour of CNN early this morning, and despite having a very hectic day at work, i was deeply involved with my own thoughts and memories about 9/11 five years ago.

when i graduated from college, my gift from my parents was a large album that includes almost every email i sent home from the first day of freshman year to the last day that we had internet access senior year. i won't embarrass myself by describing how *long* this SOB is, but i just opened the album to my september 11th email, and i think i'll post it here as one small drop in the wide sea of perspective that's been shared today. before the email was written, my roommate and i had turned on the today show minutes after the first plane hit, and i'd spent the entire morning waiting with her, our suite mates and our friends while they waded through the panic that ensued. i called my parents early for colorado time, woke them up and said through tears, "a plane hit the world trade center, and we were just watching it catch on fire-- and then a SECOND plane may have hit the same building... we don't know what's happening or how that could've happened, but Lizzie and I are really upset, and I think you should go turn on the news." i remember the days later-- finding out that steve had walked across the bridge, ended up in new jersey and not called anyone but was fine, (huge sigh of relief). i also remember my dad calling to tell me not to go on some flight i was supposed to take-- that if i had to take it, he swore he'd fly out to go with me. i argued, "how would it possibly make a difference that you were there?" but in retrospect, it would've made all the difference. i still remember how much his voice quavered, and how i realized right then just how far my dad would go to protect me.

9/11/2001, 3:22 Eastern Time
From: jsimmons@hamilton.edu
To: DSimShrike@aol.com
Hi guys,
I just got your message, but the phone lines are swamped and they are all down in NYC, so I thought I'd email you for the moment. When I called you it had just happened- a friend of Lizzie's called right as it happened, so we caught almost the entire thing on the news. As you can imagine, there was a degree of panic here as *many* people are from Manhattan, and obviously a lot of them have family members who work in the financial district. i was really concerned about my friends who are doing internships in both d.c. and the city through Hamilton-- Chip Martin and my friend Tom Keane are both doing government internships and had to hide in a basement with a senator (like a bunker), and Christine Capeles and Cece are safe... they're in the NYC program apartment, about three blocks from the trade center. I keep checking the Hamilton site-- all of my D.C friends called in safe, and almost all of my friends at the Hamilton apartment have called in safe except for Steve Kovach, who I'm hoping is just dealing with cell phone outages and will call soon.
I'm just overwhelmed by the idea of the snowball of news that will come after this awful disaster...the hysteria of the morning with everyone on cell phones and crowding into lounges to watch the news will no doubt give way to sad stories as the week goes on. My heart goes out to the people here who are waiting and waiting to hear from their families and friends.
Lizzie's brother lives very close to the trade center, but goes to school at columbia, and he should be on long island right now-- she's scared, but her family heard from him very briefly and knows that he said something about just being nervous about "ever going home", so he and his wife should be ok.
Sara Weinstein disappeared-- I know that the Miramax corporation has a lot of employees, and she seemed more scared about them than her dad and uncle... I guess maybe there are a few offices down there. I think the worst part of the morning was seeing Liz Padin downstairs on her phone pulling her hair back and sobbing, "when? when did dad leave for work? how do you KNOW he's not there?" and then breaking down and listening to the person on the other end. I saw her later-- she looked calm and she was with her friends next door, so that's a big relief.

It's a nice sunny day and everyone's windows are open... I think everyone in Milbank and Babbit must be on the same channel because there's a female reporter's voice booming all the way down Martin's way. Wow. I'm very curious what you two think will come of this... any fears you have and any guesses as to who did it or how future institutions might be radically changed here. Sarah wrote me an email from home, just expressing her shock, that she's glad I'm ok, and her firm belief that our generation is about to witness a real war.
I feel so overwhelmed and so sad about what has happened-- I'm going out for a bit with Meg to get some food and try to just calm each other down, but I will try calling you in a little bit when the phone lines aren't clogged and I won't worry about being part of the switchboard blackout.
I love you,
Jane.